Bill jokes

Bill Cosby is going to have a new show

Women Say the Darndest Things

Chemists in a pub

After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...

He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill.

Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".

A man says to his waiter, ‘Excuse me sir, this coffee is cold’

The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’ll make a note on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro more’.

in for a penny, in for a pound

A farmer is in the outhouse, and when he pulls up his pants, a quarter rolls out of his pocket and falls down the hole. He swears and pulls out his wallet and throws down a $5 bill. Later as he's telling his wife about the ordeal, she asks, “Wait, why’d you throw in the $5 bill?” He replied, “Well I wasn't about to go down there for a quarter!”

I recently came into a large sum of money

Now all the bills are sticking together

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire

...on average.

There is only one thing I don’t like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant

The bill

I heard Bill Cosby made a sex tape....

Twice as strong as duct tape.

ABORTION BILL

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?" The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

What Movie does Hillary Watch when she's in a Bad Mood..?

Kill Bill.

How is Santa like Bill Cosby?

Neither will come if you're awake.

A man goes to ask the great guru, "Which is better, large breasts or small breasts?"

The great guru asks him "How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?"

The man quickly counts the money. "Thirty dollars."

"And if you had thirty dollars in coins," said the guru, "which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?"

"The coins of course."

"But which would have the greater value?"

At this moment, the man was enlightened.