Bill jokes

A young boy runs into the house and excited shows his mother a 50$ bill he found in the park.

Are you sure it was lost, his mother asked. Yes, the boy replied, I am positive, I even saw the guy looking for it.

tattoo of a $100 bil

A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."

Two ducks are having an affair.

hey rent a hotel room for an hour, but the male duck forgot contraception. He calls down to room service.

“Got it,” says the front desk, “and would you like these on your bill?”

“Of course not,” the duck says. “I’d suffocate.”

What’s Mitch McConnell’s favorite movie?

Kill Bill.

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”

The man replied, “There are three reasons.

One, I love to play with my money.

Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.

Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”

Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway

The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"

Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."

The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"

• ⁠

Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."

What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after sex?

I'll be home in 20 minutes.

In the words of Bill Murray...

An Irish man knocks on the door of an old lady, he says he's broke and looking for work. The old lady says "Sure, I'll pay you to paint my porch." So she gives the Irish man some paint and he leaves.

One hour later the man comes back, "Are you already done?" the lady asked, "Aye." said the Irish man, "But it's not a porch it's a Mazda."

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition that he gets to install windows.

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licks his cone and replies:

"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

A police officer spots an elderly woman carrying two large sacks, one leaking $20 bills. He asks her, "Where did you get all that money?" She explains, "There's a golf course behind my house. When golfers pee through a hole in my fence, I threaten to cut it off unless they pay $20."

The cop asks about the other sack. She replies, "Not everyone pays."

Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

Because he saw the gas bill

Buisness

Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: No!

Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.

Son: Then okay.

Dad goes to Bill Gates...

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates: No!

Dad: My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates: Then okay.

Dad goes to the President of the World Bank...

Dad: Appoint my son as CEO.

President: No!

Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.

President: Then ok.

This is BUSINESS

The phone bill was exceptionally high...

.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.

Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.

All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.

Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??

My girlfriend started reading Bill Cosby's biography...

But it put her to sleep.

I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car was from the electricity company and they were there to cut off the electricity, so my dad beat the crap out of me again.