I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
Two Italians enter the bus in New York and start very noisy conversation:
" .... 'em come first, then I come, two asses together, I come again, two asses together, then I pee, pee again and I come in the end... "
An old lady nereby can't stand it any longer and says:
" You pigs, what a shame to discuss your disgusting sexual life on public!!!! "
Italian: " Hey, wassup lady??? I just tella my friend, how to spella Mississippi....."
Two monkeys entered a bath.
Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot
Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation..
Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with
Roman 2: mmm?
Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many
Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....
He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.
Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it. So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.
Wonderwoman: Did you feel that strong gust of wind just now?
Invisible Man: Yeah, and on top of that my ass is killing me.
An Englishman is sitting on a train when he overhears a loud conversation between two Italians...
First, Emma cum, then I cum... then two asses, they come together, then I cum again. Then the two asses, they come together again, then I cum... pee twice, then I cum again!
“Excuse me” says the Englishman. “In this country it’s very inappropriate to be talking about sex in public like that!”
The Italian guy is confused “what sex? I’m telling my friend how to spell a Mississippi!”
A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation...
Before long they're arguing...
Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."
Chinese man: "For what?"
Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
Jewish man: "eh, Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"
Chinese man: "Well, you kow what? I hate you."
Jewish man: "For what?!?"
Chinese man: "The Titanic!"
Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Tatanic!"
Chinese man: "eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but
yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?
Abdul: Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
Today is Abdul's farewell party.
Beer must contain Estrogen...
When I drink enough, I can't drive or shut the hell up.
My wife just nudged me and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?"
I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation.
So I'm fucking this guy in the ass, right?
... and I'm fucking him, and I'm fucking him ...
... and I'm fucking him ...
... and then I reach around, and he's ***HARD***.
And I'm like ***SHIT THIS GUY IS A FAG!***
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I like to tell that one whenever the conversation stops at a party.
I guess i have a nice butt
Because everytime i walk away from a conversation i hear, " what an ass ".
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children enter the dining room totally nude and walk slowly around the table.
The parents are so embarrassed that they pretend nothing is happening and keep the conversation going. The guests cooperate and also continue as if nothing extraordinary is happening. After going all the way around the room the children leave, and there is a moment of silence at the table, during which one of the children is heard saying, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”