Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
A priest and a man are standing next to each other at a urinal...
The man cannot help himself and looks over at the priest. He notices the priest has a nicotine patch on his penis. Puzzled, the man asks, "Father why do you have a nicotine patch on your penis for?" The priest replies, "well, since I've started wearing these I am down to two butts a day."
How I lost my Teeth
I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this butt ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said “how about giving me your number handsome”
I looked at her and asked “Do you have a pen” “sure!” She said.
So I said, “ Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing!”
My dental surgery is this Friday!.
A man notices his wife's butt is getting big
I bet your butt is as big as my grill."
His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure,
measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases
her that they're about the same size.
That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not
tonight," says his wife.
He asks her why not, to which she responds, "Do you
really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for
one little weiner?"
What happens when a duck bends over?
You can see its butt quack.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
How is eating pussy similar to smoking a cigarette?
The flavor changes as you get closer to the butt.
I was going to tell a gay joke
Butt fuck it
A man and a wife are sitting outside...
The wife is bent over in the garden and the man exclaims "Damn! Your butt is almost as wide as the barbecue!" She proceeds to garden and brushes off the remark. Later on that night the man nudges his wife and asks her for some fun. She replies "If you think i'm firing up this grill for one little wiener, you got another thing coming."
Not my joke, I only wish I was this funny...
First dirty joke an adult ever told me, what's yours?
A pelican spots a frog in a marsh and swallows him whole. The pelican flies off and reaches a great height. Suddenly the frog pokes his head out of the pelicans butt and yells out to the pelican "Hey,how high are we right now?", the pelican replies "About 100 meters.", to which the frog nervously replies "Are you shitting me?"
When I’m watching porn, I don’t care if they have big breasts, big butts or a pretty face.
I'm a jack off all traits.
What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girl's butt hole?
You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick.
A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.
He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.
The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who swiftly takes out the angry cook!
Everyone looks at the manager, who just shrugs and says, "guess you've just gotta fight fryer with fryer".
I guess i have a nice butt
Because everytime i walk away from a conversation i hear, " what an ass ".
I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated, Bluetooth-ready butt plug, but Steve Jobs beat me to it.
It turns out he's already making overpriced toys for assholes!
I went to my doctor to have him look at some strange spots on my arse. I pulled my pants down, he took a look and responded..
Weird flecks; butt ok.
What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek?
If we stick together, we can stop this shit.
