Divorce

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy." Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's Goofy."

A boyfriend and girlfriend die at the same time and go to heaven

They go up to see St. Peter on the pearly gates. They ask him “Can we get married in heaven?”

St. Peter says “Hold on, I’ll check.”

The couple wait 72 hours and then finally St. Peter comes back and says “Yes, you can get married in heaven.”

The couple then asks “What about a divorce?”

St. Peter replies “I just spent 3 days finding a minister. Do you have any idea how long it’s gonna take to find a lawyer?”

44% of Marriages end in divorce.

That means 56% of marriages are fatal. I love statistics.

What's better than winning the lottery?

Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.

The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.

I said alphabetically or by age

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

Therapist: So why doesn't the marriage work?

Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns

Husband: Divorce is strong in this one