Ball jokes

Was playing with my balls and then I found my first gray pubic hair, but I kept calm!

Unlike the rest in the elevator..

An Amish Woman

Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, “you might want to have your husband look at your reflector” He notices a rope wrapped around the horse’s balls...”and ma’am, some folks might find that rope offensive”. The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. “cop says the reflector is busted... and he didn't like the emergency brake neither”

Are you a basketball hoop? Because I want to put my balls in you.

What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

Did you hear about the dog that can get a ball from over a mile away?

Seems a little far fetched to me.

A marine comes back from vietnam after fighting for a year.

He is sent to the pentagon. The pentagon asks him: Do you want to get anything for your sacrifices?

The marine says: I want a dollar for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls.

The pentagos says: You sure you don't want something else?

The marine says: No sir.

One of the generals takes a ruler and starts to measure. But he does not find the balls.

General:Where are your balls marine?

Marine: In vietnam

My friend is convinced he has the biggest balls in the world

He's so egotestical.

How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

Easy, just paint his balls red.

Now what’s the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries

When I was young, I was courageous enough to shave my privates with a straight razor.

I don’t have the balls to do that anymore.

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."

The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have balls."

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station

in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"

Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.

"What are those?"

Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting my balls on when I am driving."

"Fuck me" says Paddy, BMW think of everything!"

I hate when people say my skirt looks slutty..

Like, who cares if my balls hang out a little?

I once went on a business trip to china, while there I ordered myself a prostitute. Half way though she was screaming in delight “meee how” meeee hooow” and I thought to myself “she’s loving this”

Just the next day out golfing with a few clients when I hit a ball from the edge of the green to roll on the hole perfectly, of course I couldn’t speak mandarin so I screamed the only happy words I knew “Mee how” “meeeeehow”, whilst celebration one of my colleges comes over and says “no you’ve got the right hole”

If you drink the liquid from a Magic 8 Ball you can tell the future..

My friend Keith did it once and then said he was gonna die, and he did

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*gagging noises*

Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

i have a lot of respect for trans women

that surgery takes balls!

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Snow balls

Fuck cheesy chat-up lines, We need better break-up lines:

Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back. Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship? I didn't know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that's because this angel's gained a little weight since we started going out. You and me love, we're like six balls in cricket. OVER! I'm leaving you on religious grounds. I've decided to become a Jew, and you're a fucking pig.