The pilot gets ready for the flight
"Alright everyone, we will be taking off in a minute, please remain seated.", he says. After taking off, the pilot forgot the microphone on. "Know what I want now?", says the co-pilot, "a cup of coffee and a woman to suck my dick". Noticing the problem with the mic, one of the attendants bolts off to warn them. While she ran, someone on the back seats yells "Don't forget the coffee!"
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
My hot flight attendant asked how I liked my coffee.
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "that's cute honey, but the coffee is free. You don't have to pay for it here"
I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs.
It was Wong on so many levels
A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane.
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia on a Mastercard?
Because his Visa didn't work!
The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her.
I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”
What do you call it when Condoleezza Rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs?
Conde sending condescending con descending.
So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....
He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."
“Stewardess”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”
“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”
"Help! Is there a Doctor on this flight?"
"Uh. Shit. Not anymore..."