I jokes

Two CSS properties walk into a bar.

A barstool in a completely different bar falls over.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck

Kid's know far too much these days...

This morning, while in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggy position. I bent down and told her, "you'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." She replied, "I don't think so, he's doing her up the ass"

Your mom is so slow

It took her nine months to make a joke

Scientists have reached the conclusion that the owl has the most acute sense of hearing

They clearly haven't experimented on men browsing porn while their wives are asleep.

What do you call a French prostitute in Pakistan?

Lahore

There once was a pebble and she was very shy

so she wanted to be, a little bolder!

Reading all these jokes makes me go numb...

But reading mathematics-related jokes makes me go number

I asked my mom "how many is a couple?" She said, "two or three."

That would explain why her marriage collapsed.

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party

He was looking for a tight seal

I like my women how I like my computer.

On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.

I’ve got no home, I haven’t got control, and I can’t see any escape.

I should get a new keyboard.

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

A Jake Paul fan walked into a bar

and got kicked out for being 10.

You know Apple is run by men...

When they call it an iPhone 6+ and its only 5.5 inches.

What do you call a Blonde doing a handstand? NSFW

A Brunette with bad breath.

What do you call a little boy who’s half French and half Scottish?

A oui lad

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.

What did the scarf say to the hat?

I’m just gonna hang around here.. you go on ahead.

An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...

Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"

Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"