Jail jokes

Teacher

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Psychic

I went to see a psychic the other day. I asked her if I was going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

Bet she didn't see that coming.

License

When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:

"I did it for the car, ma!"

Pdf file

Why did the adobe acrobat document go to jail?

Because it was a pdf file.

Lady

"Excuse me lady but how long has your father been in jail?" NSFW

"He's not in jail. What are you talking about?"

"I'm not sure how he has resisted but if I were your father I would be in jail."

Wife

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

Jesus

Jesus can walk on water, babies are 72% water, I can walk on babies therefore I am 72% Jesus

I’m also 100% in jail

Friend

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

I've been in jail 5 minutes and already got raped twice

I'm fucking done playing monopoly with my dad.

Brother

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Guy

A guy got thrown in the jail for refusing to take a nap..

He was resisting a rest.

Sent to Jail.

After getting sent to jail, I spent the next hour being held face down over a table and getting violently fucked up the arse.

Sometimes I think my uncle Brian takes Monopoly a bit too seriously...