Kids jokes

I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licks his cone and replies:

"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday? Christmas because everything is hanging.

How do parents punish their blind kids? They re-arrange the furniture.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? They can't see their parents.

A dyslexic kid once told me,

"I put the 'sexy' in dyslexia."

Why didn’t the antivaxx kid get any upvotes.

Because he died in new.

This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"

Alas, swine flu.

I saw a kid being beat up by 4 adults and tried to help.

Kid couldn't stand for long against 5 adults.

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror!

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

She said "If we had kids I wonder what they would look like?"

I said "If we have kids, they'll be wondering what I look like."

What do Jewish pedophiles say to kids?

Hey, wanna buy some candy?

Police arrested two kids yesterday

one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.

Joe Biden recently said his kid's won't have offices in the white house.

Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

Today i saw a strip club across the road from a minigolf place.

I'm liberal but that's too much for me. What if your trying to have a nice afternoon with your family and kids and you look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing minigolf.

A Jewish Kid...

Asks his dad to borrow $5 his dad replies with "$4 dollars?! what do you need $3 dollars for?!"

If I wasn't too busy adulting...

I'd be kidding