Trick jokes

My girlfriend is cheating on me with a doctor.

Yesterday, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me with the primary doctor at her hospital. So from now on, I’ll be giving her an apple for lunch everyday. That oughta do the trick.

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

A Mexican magician was performing a trick...

Magician: "Uno! Dòs..."

*poof*

And he disappeared without a très...

A little girl comes home with $20

And runs straight to her mum

"mummy look! A boy gave me $20 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"

The mum replied

"honey, he's just doing that so he can see your underwear. Don't fall for their tricks!"

The next day the girl comes home with $50

"mummy look! The same boy gave me $50 to do a cartwheel while he sat in a tree"

The mum replied

"didn't i tell you not to! He's just doing that to see your underwear!"

The girl responded

"don't worry mum, i took my underwear off this time"

I call my penis Tom Cruise.

It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.

For my next trick

I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

My dad's a magician

Bob: What does your father do for a living?

Joe: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but the trick is finding two people small enough to fit IN the lightbulb...

My dad can do all the same tricks that my dog can.

Except for stay.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! ...Next Day... (Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.

Little Johnny, the magician's son

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.

"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.

"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.

"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."

Just been on a diabetes awareness website....

It asked me if i accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?

Dangerous trick

Circus. The most popular and dangerous trick, guy put his penis in crocodile's mouth, croc shuts his mouth, the guy hits croc on the head, croc opens up his mouth and guy takes his penis unharmed, everybody applaud!

Than guy asks the audience: if you can do it, I'll pay anybody $1000!!!!

Girl stands up and says: "I'll do it, just don't hit me on the head!!!!"