Male jokes

What's the difference between a vegan and a straight male submissive?

A vegan craves umami. A male sub craves "ooh mommy".

Extreme Sexual Exhaustion

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female ?”

The customer says, “Female.”

The counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

The customer says, “White.”

The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”

The customer says, “What does religion have to do with it?”

The counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up.”

Two ducks are having an affair.

hey rent a hotel room for an hour, but the male duck forgot contraception. He calls down to room service.

“Got it,” says the front desk, “and would you like these on your bill?”

“Of course not,” the duck says. “I’d suffocate.”

Two male deer are leaving a gay bar

One turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I just blew 20 bucks.”

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared. So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex. When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused: "So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

So two people are about to have sex for the first time

and the lady says, "Unfortunately I have small boobs, is that alright with you?"

To which the male replies, "Yea it's alright, I have a dick like a baby."

After the sex the lady exclaims, "You have the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life, Why did you say it was like a baby?"

"It is. 9 pounds 6 ounces and a foot in height."

Czech and a Mexican

A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend" The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male

A gay man and his male friend are hanging out at his house...

After a while of playing games, talking, and watching TV, the friend gets hungry. He turns to his gay buddy and asks:

"Hey, I am gonna order some subs, do you want any?"

The gay man replies: "No, sorry, I only do doms."

My son is a male trapped in a female's body, so we took him to a psychiatrist.

For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.

Wife asked me what am I doing

Me: Killing Mosquitos Wife: How many have you killed?

Me: Total 5. 2 Female and 3 Male Wife: How did you know their gender?

Me: Three were near my beer bottle and two near my wallet

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

is google male or female?

female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions