Man jokes

A man is standing on a tall ledge.

A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"

Two gay men are walking down the street. One of them is wearing a very flashy shirt.

A woman approaches and says, "oh my gosh, I love your top!"

The man replies, "thank you! I love him too!"

What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?

I used to think you were crazy, but now I see your nuts.

A man rushes into the emergency room with 10 plastic horses up his rectum.

His condition is now listed as stable.

What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?

Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

A man walks into the doctors and says he has something wrong with his penis...

... the doctor says “Ok, take off your clothes so I can do an examination”

The man does as he says and the doctor examines his penis

The doctor says “Sir, I’m afraid you need to stop masturbating”

The man says “Why?”

The doctor says “Because I need to do the examination”

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.

"I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it," A doctor said as he handed a man his newborn baby.

The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."

A man hurriedly walks into a bar

Man (trying to catch his breath): bartender, give me a scotch neat before I get into a fight

BT: here you go

Man (gulping all in at once): one more before I get into a fight

BT: here

Man: again, before I get into a fight

BT: here, but out of curiosity, who are you fighting

Man (finishing his drink): most likely you, because I got no money.

A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.

Husband: Body of water, three letters.

Wife: Bay.

Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.

Wife: Bee.

Husband: To hush someone, four letters.

Wife: shhh.

Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.

Wife: Ark.

Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

Superman is flying around the city, feeling horny as hell.

He suddenly spots Wonder Woman lying naked on top of a building with her legs spread apart.

He thinks, “This is my chance!” and swoops down faster than a speeding bullet, fucks her deep and hard and is gone in the blink of an eye.

Wonder Woman sits up and says, “What the hell was that?”

The Invisible Man rolls off her and says, “I have no idea but my fucking asshole hurts like hell!”

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case.

A man walks into a bar with a gun

And shouts, "Who the hell fucked my wife?!" A man in the back replied "You haven't got enough bullets mate!"

How do you surprise a blind man?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs.

It was Wong on so many levels

Why is a woman's orgasm so much different from a man's?

Because her O varies.

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt.

The bartender asks, “What can I get for ya?”

The man says, “A beer for me, and another for the road.”

A man is being examined by his doctor

The doctor starts looking very concerned. The man asks, "Doctor, what's wrong?" The doctor says, "I'm sorry to tell you this sir, but you can no longer masturbate." The man with a tear in his eye asks, "Doctor, why?" The doctor replies, "Because, I'm trying to examine you."

What do you call a gay man in his house by himself?

homolone

Three men were sitting in a prison cell in Moscow in 1937

They discussed why they had been arrested.

"I showed up ten minutes late for work" the first man said "so they arrested me for sabotage"

"I showed up ten minutes early for work" said the second "so they arrested me for espionage"

"I showed up to work on time" said the third "so they arrested me for owning a Western watch"