Men jokes

Gingerbread man

Why are there gingerbread men but not gingerbread women?

It's the pastryarchy.

90% of the women that wear yoga pants dont do yoga

And 100% of men dont care.

Women

Men need to start going to target to meet women

The women to men ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need

Pastor

Move to the left!

"A pastor announced, "If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left".

All the men in the church moved to the left except one man.

The pastor was happy there was at least one strong man, and asked," How come your wife can't control you?"

The man quietly replied, "It's my wife who told me not to move".

Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

because Jewish women won't accept anything unless it has at least 20% off.

Nobody

There are three men, Nobody, No-one and Stupid.

They were on a fishing trip in Canada when the first fell in the river, and began to drown, as he had never learned to swim as a child.

The second stayed behind to help rescue him from the river.

The third ran to the nearest police station and explained the situation to the first police officer he saw.

"Officer! Come quickly, Nobody is drowning in the river and No-one is helping him!"

"Are you stupid?" Asked the officer

"I am, yes, nice to meet you."

Man

The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...

...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.

Study

BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth

After childbirth 34% of women said “Yes” they would like to have another child.

After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said “Yes” they’d like to do that again.

Will Smith had to stand up for Jada. Imagine how hard it is knowing your wife can't have her hair

pulled during sex with other men

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork." The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!"

Wives

During an FBI exam, three men face a scenario: to shoot their wives. The first two couldn't do it. The third admits, "The gun wasn't loaded, so I strangled her."

Month

Two men are talking about their sex lives...

One says to the other "I'm not getting on too badly. I have welfare sex."

"What's welfare sex?" asks the other

"Simple." replies the first guy. "I get some each month, but it ain't enough to live on!"

Man

Personal Question

On Valentine's Day a shy but drunk young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar and said "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Yes, I do," she replied, "but go ahead since I'm sure you're going to ask anyway." "Okay," he said. "How many men have you slept with?" "That's my business!" she snapped. "Oh cool!" he said. "How much?"

I met a girl at a bar who told me that she only dates men with 7inch dick.

Bitch I'm not going to cut 3 inches for you.