A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.
Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.
One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?
Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".
But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie.
Magic Window
Two men are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "That window is magic. To prove it, I'll jump out." He jumps, much to the other man's horror, and plummets 20 floors only to stop and float gently back up. "Amazing, huh? Why don't you try?" The other man is dubious, but eventually decides to jump. He plummets 30 floors and smacks into the pavement. The first man is in hysterics. "You know," says the bartender, "you're a real prick when you're drunk, Superman."
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
Breasts are like beer...
Men may state a preference, but we'll take whatever's on tap.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls
A woman is sitting in a park one day, watching two men work. The first man digs a hole, and then the second man fills it back in. Then the first man digs another hole, and again, the second man fills it back up. They keep doing this over and over again. Finally, the women asks them, “Why do you keep digging holes and filling them back in?” One of the guys replies, “Well, usually there’s a third guy here who puts in the tree, but he’s out sick today.”
Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.
The Ex-Men.
What do you call a prostitute who does both men and women?
An omniwhore.
Three men book into a busy ski lodge
So they have to share a bed. Man on the right wakes up and says, "I had this vivid dream of getting a hand job." Man on the left wakes and says, "I had the same dream." Man in the middle wakes and says, "That's funny. I dreamt I was skiing!"
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer
than the men who mention it
Friendship: Men vs. Women
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The suspicious husband called his wife's 10 best friends. none of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The suspicious woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
I love it when my girlfriend says men think with their penises
That woman blows my mind
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach!
A human hair can hold 3kg.
The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb.
The femur is as hard as concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
Women blink twice as much as men.
We use 300 muscle's just to keep our balance when we stand.
The woman has read this entire text.
The man is still looking at his thumb.
Kegals aren't just for women!
It's just that when men do it, it's a dick move.
(First joke I've ever come up with myself, sorry if it sucks.)
(if you could improve or elaborate, feel free )
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it......
He's gay, definitely gay.
Woman get 77 cents for every dollar a man earns.
Well, at least men get to keep the 23 cents.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zippers.
Why can't Irish men be lawyers?
They can't pass the bar.
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount rushmore
How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch.