When I was 16 my bestfriend got super mad at me once and wouldnt talk to me for nearly 4 months for smelling his sisters underwear.
Idk if it was because she was still wearing them or that there was a lot of people around us, but either way, it made the rest of the funeral super awkward
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
Same time next month (with finger guns)
The doctor gave me 4 months to live.
So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
I will die in a month
but don't know in which one.
Fatherhood
A soldier asks his sergeant if he can have a couple of days off because he's going to become a father. 'Very well, you can have three days off' the sergeant says. After three days the soldier is back and the sergeant asks him what the name of the kid is. 'No idea' the soldier responds 'but I will tell you in nine months'.
A man was arrested for telling a joke which called Vladimir Putin stupid.
He was tried and sentenced to 15 years and 3 months in a work camp.
When asked about the strangely specific sentence, the judge explained that he gave 3 months for insulting the president, and 15 years for divulging state secrets.
My girlfriend just freaked me out...
she gave me a blow job but insisted on role playing as a 12 year old.Fucking weird and gross. I was like "You're going to be 12 in a couple of months, what's the rush?
My girlfriend really wants me to quit my job. She says that it is cruel that we do product testing on animals.
We’ve argued back and forth for months, and it is a very tough decision for me since I don’t have a formal education. Every day I come home from work, she becomes more and more distant. I also just got a 20% raise, and will finally be able to give my future family the life they deserve. Last night she gave me an ultimatum, her or my job.
What should I do? I love my girlfriend, but I also love my job at the hammer factory.
Man should ejaculate 21 times per month
Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.
It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023