Month jokes

Your mom is so slow

It took her nine months to make a joke

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th months...

Whoever messed this up should be stabbed

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

An employee gets called into his boss’s office...

Boss: “Young man, you have risen very fast in this company. Two years ago, you began as an office boy. In a couple of months, you were a clerk. Then, you became a salesman, after that assistant manager, then manager. Now you are the vice president of the company. What have you to say about all this?"

Employee: "Thanks, Dad".

My friend met his wife on tinder

...It was six months after their wedding

When it's been Halloween for a few months but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.

Two men are talking about their sex lives...

One says to the other "I'm not getting on too badly. I have welfare sex."

"What's welfare sex?" asks the other

"Simple." replies the first guy. "I get some each month, but it ain't enough to live on!"

I made my girlfriend cum three times.

Which isn't great over a period of 7 months.

I ordered a book called "How to scam people online" two months ago.

It still hasn't arrived yet.

Say what you want about Trump...

...but he’s brought school shootings down to zero for more than an entire month.

A man at a table in a restaurant suddenly starts to cry. The worried waiter asks, “Why are you crying?”

Man: “My wife said she won’t talk with me for a month.”

Waiter : “That’s terrible.”

Man: “Yes, the month ends today.”

What happened to the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

They got 6 months each.

I havent spoken to my wife for eighteen months

I don’t like to interrupt her.

My son is a male trapped in a female's body, so we took him to a psychiatrist.

For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.

Every morning at breakfast for the past year 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

Started smoking for this girl who told me she was into people with cancer

Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that’s actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

My son is a boy trapped in a womans body

He's coming out in 6 months