A rich guy and his poor drinking buddy were at the bar before Christmas...
The rich guy, making small talk, goes
"So I got my wife a new diamond ring and a BMW for Christmas. That way if she doesn't like the ring, at least she'll still love the Beemer!"
The poor guy goes:
"Huh, well I got my wife a pair of pantyhose and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the pantyhose, she can go fuck herself."
(Thanks Dad.)
Going into my son's room is the same as going to Ikea
You go in just to see what's new and come out with 10 plates 3 cups and a pair of socks.
How do you cut the Roman Empire in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great,
but on the other, it’s just not right.
What's better than a paradox?
A pair of nurses
Rich friend and a poor friend meet a day before Valentine's Day
Poor man asks - What did you buy for your wife for valentines?
Rich man - A Mercedes C class and a diamond necklace
Poor man - why a necklace ?
Rich man - so if she doesn't like the car she can return it and keep the necklace, what did you get for yours ?
Poor man - a pair of slippers and a dildo
Rich man - why a dildo?
Poor man - so if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.
A pair of cows...
... were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a camel toe, a bunch of hares and a fish no one can find.
Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:
Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.