Person jokes

Scientist

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

Men

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

I got chlamydia from a person with special needs

She gave me the slow clap

Wife

My wife just described me as the 2nd least inquisitive person she's ever met

"Fair enough." I said.

Meeting

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

Glove

How do one-handed people put on gloves?

They don't, they put on glove.

Spanish

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

Friend

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

Wife

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion

and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "