Problem jokes

The first woman on the Moon...

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Please tell us?"

"You know what the problem is."

The pilot gets ready for the flight

"Alright everyone, we will be taking off in a minute, please remain seated.", he says. After taking off, the pilot forgot the microphone on. "Know what I want now?", says the co-pilot, "a cup of coffee and a woman to suck my dick". Noticing the problem with the mic, one of the attendants bolts off to warn them. While she ran, someone on the back seats yells "Don't forget the coffee!"

Jew problems

An old jew comes to a rabbi and says: "Please help me, my son became a christian!"

The rabbi replies: "i can't help you, god has the same problem."

A woman goes to her Gynecologist. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor.

Woman: "Something is terribly wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina." The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said, "Those Aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

A man walks into the doctor's office and immediately drops his pants....

The doctor sees a small leaf of lettuce hanging from the man's anus. (Rather redundantly) he asks "What seems to be the problem here?" "Oh doc," the man replies, "that's just the tip of the iceberg."

Two IT techs are at the local gun range.

After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?"

The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting."

I've got 69 problems.

My girlfriend is a midget.

Horror at the zoo

A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says

*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*

The man responds, *What happened?*

*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*

The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

To anyone who has a problem with pedophiles:

Grow up.

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down." "The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back." "The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

His poems weren't always first rate,

His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,

Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

I thought it would be a real ethical conundrum when the PETA Headquarters got a rat problem

But they just did what they do to all the dogs they rescue.

Man to therapist : "I just fucked my fourth cousin."

Therapist : "Is that a problem for you?"

Man : "The problem is that I'm counting."

Aussie Helpline

"G'day mate, Aussie Helpline here ...What's the problem,cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."

"Bummer, mate..!"

"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."

A plastic surgeon at Johns Hopkins just performed surgery on a child born without eyelids, circumcising him and replaced the missing lids with the harvested tissue. The boy's new eyelids work almost perfectly and, since they were made from his own tissue, rejection won't be a problem.

When speaking to reporters, though, the surgeon admitted that the boy does look a little cockeyed.

A six lane motorway and an autobahn are having a drink in a bar.

The door opens and a skinny useless looking single strip of asphalt walks in and sits near them. The motorway nudges and gestures the autobahn to move quietly to another part of the bar. When they are seated again the autobahn asks what the problem is. The motorway replies "You don't want to be near him when he's had a few drinks. He's a fucking cyclepath"

Him: Damn, girl, are you a math textbook? Her: No, why?

Him: 'Cause you have a lot of fuckin' problems.

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny chick with big blue hair."