School jokes

My wife recently became a crossing guard at our sons school.

She hates when I ask how the child trafficking is going.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine

Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said, "No, she's a fucking optician."

A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.

"Why son?" The dad asks. "Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."

I bumped into an old school friend today...

He said "life is great! I live in a $2 million mansion!"

I said "that's nice, I live under a $5 million bridge!"

My nickname in school was Scarface...

...because I was so damn good at knitting.