Someone jokes

Why is the barbarian carrying a skillet?

Wizard: Why is the barbarian carrying a skillet?

Bard: He thinks it's his spellcasting focus.

Wizard: He has spells?

Bard: Just one. Every time he hits someone with it, he shouts "Cast iron!"

Me - “What’s a 3 letter word for compete?”

Dracula - “Vie.”

Me - “It’s for a crossword.”

I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.

A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."

A rope walks into a bar

And sees someone sitting at the bar reposting this joke. The rope hangs the reposter.

If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts John Dickinson in an awkward position.

A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.

Husband: Body of water, three letters.

Wife: Bay.

Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.

Wife: Bee.

Husband: To hush someone, four letters.

Wife: shhh.

Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.

Wife: Ark.

Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

Gifted child!

My parents always said I was a gifted child. Turns out they meant someone left me on their doorstep in a box.

How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

So today, someone stole my Mood Ring.....

I honestly don't know how to feel about it.

What does someone walking a tightrope have in common with a guy getting a blowjob from a 90 year old woman?

Both guys are thinking “Don’t look down, just don’t look down”.

At last, someone's written a book about herb erotica...

It's about fucking thyme

A plane is about to crash

A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."

"Can someone give an example of things that are useless?" The teacher asked.

Me: *raises hand*

Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?

Words can't describe how beautiful someone is...

But numbers can. 4/10

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone father.

Do you know a way to really freak out someone who works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

Teacher: "Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up." Class: no one stands up Teacher: "Oh, come on. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room." Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: "Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb?" Little Johnny: "No, I just feel bad you're standing alone."

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she's seeing someone. It's either really terrible news or really great news.

If someone asks you to spell part backwards. Don't

It's a trap.