Spider

What do spiders do for a job?

Web development

Two spiders are at another spiders funeral.

"Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

my daughter is 3. her joke about spiders:

Spiders make Websites.

she's not wrong.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...

I don’t care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...

I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper...

She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

When I die I want to come back as a spider,

That way I'll finally hear girls say "omg it's huge"