Stars jokes

A Man Goes To His Doctor

Doctor: “ Pick a star sign. Any star sign” Man: “Alright, i choose Capricorn” Doctor: “Nah you got Cancer”

Can a ninja throw a star?

Shur-he-can

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I’d like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

Last night, I was laying in my bed, looking up the stars as I thought to my self..

Where the fuck is my roof??

Orion's belt is a huge waist of space.

Terrible joke. 3 stars.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

If I had to rate our solar system

I’d give it one star

Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews.. only 1 star

Did you hear about the 7' NBA star who married a blonde midget?

He was nuts over her.

Star gazing isn’t very fun

I’ve been doing it all afternoon and now I can’t see

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually from an overdose."

Obi Wan: “Yoda, why did the Star Wars movies come out 4,5,6,1,2,3

Yoda: “In charge of scheduling I was”

What do you call Hulk dressed up as Captain America?

Star-Spangled Banner

I want to find a girlfriend who's into Star Wars

I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite star wars character..

You should have seen the luke on her face....

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....

....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and closed up”... “Ahhh bummer mate”, the helpline operator replied. “Oh cheers, great idea, thanks mate!” Replied Bruce... and put the ‘phone down.....