There jokes

What does a spy do when they go to bed?

They go under cover

How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.

Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she can moan with the other.

Sex is like golf,

the more holes, the more fun you have.

Waiter: "How would you like your steak sir?"

Me: "Medium?"

Medium: "I can see it, he wants it well done"

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.

Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.

ME: When's the right time to ask a girl for anal?

INTERVIEWER: I meant; do you have any questions about the job.

Where do facts come from?

The factory.

My friend told me a joke about a TV controller.

It wasn't remotely funny.

I am always a Gentleman.

I always open doors for a Ladies.

I was holding a door open for a young lady

Yesterday, ignorant bitch said to me.

"Will you fuck off, I'm trying to have a shit."

Did you hear they changed the font of alphabet soup?

Now it is Times New Ramen

A young boy comes home from school after learning about sexual health and asks

Boy - 'Dad what does a vagina look like?'

Father - 'Well son, that depends. Are you interested before sex or after sex?'

Boy - 'Urmmm, before'

Father - 'It resembles the beautiful petals on a rose'

Boy - ' And what about after sex?'

Father - ' Son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?'

My neighbor just got arrested for growing pot plants

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

I always wanted to be a multimillionaire, just like my dad.

He always wanted to be a multimillionaire too.

Tim, the 68-year old virgin died yesterday.

He never got to 69.

I've been in jail 5 minutes and already got raped twice

I'm fucking done playing monopoly with my dad.

My wife left me because I bought the new Nintendo, but I'm not even upset...

...it was time for a Switch.

My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.

I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!

I have a bumper sticker that says, "honk if you think I'm sexy"...

I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!