There jokes

Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?

To get to the other slide

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

Judge: “First offender?”

Lady: “No first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

It's all shits and giggles...

...until someone giggles and shits.

A woman falls off of a ten story building...

...and a man on an eighth floor balcony reaches out and catches her in his arms.

"Do you fuck?", he asks.

"No!". she replied, and the man drops her.

On the sixth floor a man catches her and asks, "Do you suck?"

Again she says no and the man drops her.

On the fourth floor a man catches her and she immediately yells, "I FUCK! I SUCK!"

The man looks disgusted. "Slut!" and he drops her.

I just downloaded the Bohemian Rhapsody movie.

I think it was filmed in a movie theater, though - I see a little silhouetto of a man.

My friend said to me what rhymes with orange

No. It doesn't.

What's the most popular pub in the Middle East?

The Allahu ak-Bar

NSFW Nearly humped a ladyboy

In Thailand and man it was so close, she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.. It was only when she drove me home and reversed perfectly into my drive 1st time, I thought to myself, "hang on a fuckin minute"!

Pain.

Two young boys are waiting for their surgery...

“What operation are you having done?”

“Getting my tonsils out, what about you?”

“Circumcision”

“Oh that’s bad, I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year”

My parents are always telling me that their world doesn't revolve around me

So....I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

It's so hot outside that I almost called my ex.

So I could be around something shady.

Scooby Doo is a procrastinator.

I've never heard him say, "Scooby Dooby Done!"

Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?

Because lightning strikes the highest object.

Make your Betsy DeVos jokes soon..

While people can still read

This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

I will die in a month

but don't know in which one.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine

Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes...

She hugged me