Walk jokes

I just walked in on my manager vigorously masturbating.

He told me to stop vigorously masturbating and get the hell out of his office.

How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we dont serve food here."

Pavlov walks into a bar

As he opens the door the bell rings. "Oh shit!" Yells Pavlov, "I forgot to feed my dogs!"

A rope walks into a bar...

And orders and drink. The bartender says," We don't serve ropes here." So the rope goes outside, frays his ends, and ties himself into a knot. He comes back in and once again orders a drink. The bartender says,"Aren't you that rope I just turned down?" To which the rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."

The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have balls."

I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake.

I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"

The Elderly Guy in Church

An elderly man walks into church, goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said: *"Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"*

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

*"So then, why are you telling me?"*

"I'm telling everybody."

What does someone walking a tightrope have in common with a guy getting a blowjob from a 90 year old woman?

Both guys are thinking “Don’t look down, just don’t look down”.

A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room

He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling

Dad: Son what happened?

Son: it’s nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs

Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt

Son: yeah it’s because i was wearing it

A hooker walked up to me....

And said "I'll suck your dick for $20."

I said "Let me see the $20 first."

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."

The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."

When I was at the grocery store, I asked an employee where the cereal was, and he said, "I'll see." And walks off. 5 minutes later, I asked another employee about the cereal, and he too said, "I'll see," and walks off.

I eventually found it myself. It was in aisle C.

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

“Got any 2 watt bulbs?”

“For what?”

“That’ll do I’ll take two.”

“Two what?”

“I thought you didn’t have any.”

“Any what?”

“Ok then!”

5 gangsters calmly walk into a bar.

Immediately, a Karen rushes up to them and starts yelling at them to get out.

"What are you doing!?" yells the bartender. "They haven't even been here for two minutes!"

"Well," the Karen retorts. "I've heard that 5G's are bad for the environment!"

A lady walked Into a pharmacy and spoke with the pharmacist

She asks the pharmacist if he has viagra. "I sure do" he responds. "Does it actually work?". "Of course it does." He responds. "Can you get it over the counter?" She asks.

"I can if I take two".

An old woman wants to commit suicide...

...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.

She goes to the local doctor and asks;

"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"

"Oh, it's just below your left breast."

So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.

A lady is standing on the top a ledge over a canyon

She’s about to jump when a homeless guy runs over and says ..

“I know what you’re about to do !”

“How would you like to have sex one last time before you go?”

The lady says, “Typical! You’re just like every other guy...

trying to talk me into having sex instead of jumping off this ledge!”

The guy gets fed up and walks away..

“Where you going ?” asks the lady?

“I’m just gonna go wait for you at the bottom...”

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I’m scared." Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."