Window

I think my wife is starting to get depressed with all this rain we’re getting. Everyday, I see her at the window with a sad look on her face.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her back inside.

Why do people on the iss use linux

You can't open windows in space

Is my wife a pervert?

So I was standing looking out my bedroom window whipping one off to my neighbors gorgeous wife who was sunbathing, when I turned around to see my wife standing there looking at me! So my question is do yous think she’s some sort of pervert?

Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow.

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.

The argument

So a guy calls the front desk of the hotel he's staying at and says, "I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

The front clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that sounds like a personal issue."

And the guy says, "No, it's a maintenance issue. The window won't open."

Today, I got pulled over by a female cop.

I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong.

She said "NOTHING!"

A man called the hotel manager...

He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".

I hate it when Windows 10 resets my default browser...

It puts me on Edge every time

I walked past the butchers and saw a sign in the window

"Wanted: Apprentice"

So I went inside and asked the butcher what happened to the old one.

He said "I had to fire him"

I asked "why?"

He replied "I caught him sticking his dick in the bacon slicer"

"Oh dear" I said "and what happened to the bacon slicer?"

He said "I fired her as well"

Harry Potter walks into a bar.

Because I put them on his bedroom window.

Something you can say at a drive through window and during sex? Il go first

It’s ok i will come inside..

Friends are like bricks

it's kinda funny when you throw them through a window

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition that he gets to install windows.

I finally figured out where that "programmers live in basements" myth comes from!

It's because they prefer to work in a non-Windows environment.

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."

The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have balls."

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window. The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?" The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? The Windows XP log-out sound.

A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”

The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

“We’ll do it.”

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill overlooking an abandoned house. They watch two people enter the house through a broken window. Time passes. Later they observe three people leave the house.

The physicist says, "Our measurements weren't accurate."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, the house will be empty."

My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."

Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.

Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.

Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.

Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

Two rapists

Two guys are driving a car when they are stopped by the police. The guy opens his window and asks what's going on. The police: "We are looking for two rapists." The guy closes his window and the police sees the two guys discussing and making gestures. Finally the guy opens his window again: "Okay, we're in."

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.

One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when asked about not upgrading to Windows 10 ?

"I still love Vista, baby".

Paddy got a job as a lumberjack

but try as he might, he couldn't meet his quota of fifty trees a day. By chance he saw an ad in a shop window for chainsaws 'guaranteed to fell 60 trees a day'. So he bought one, but the best he could manage was forty trees a day. So he took it back to the shop and complained that there must be something wrong with it. "Let me look at it", said the man in the shop. So he took the chainsaw and switched it on. "What's that noise?" said Paddy?

Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.

"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.

Stalin lit his pipe and replied:

"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."