An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, “you might want to have your husband look at your reflector” He notices a rope wrapped around the horse’s balls...”and ma’am, some folks might find that rope offensive”. The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. “cop says the reflector is busted... and he didn't like the emergency brake neither”
A man drives up to a stop sign and rolls through it.
Shortly after a cop pulls him over. The cop asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” The man says, “No”. The cop says, “ You ran a stop sign back there”. The man says, “OK, but I slowed down though”. The cop then asks, “Could you please step out of the vehicle, Sir?” The man gets out of his car. The cop pulls out his night stick and begins beating him. The man yells, “STOP, STOP!” The cops say, “Oh, you want me to slow down?”
Are you Blonde?
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
Cop: So I’m writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.
Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.
Guy gets pulled over by the cops.
Cop: It seems you have been drinking.
Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".
Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."
A cop stopped a guy for speeding...
Cop said: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
The guy replied: “I was trying to keep up with traffic”
The cop said: “But there is no traffic”
And the guy answered: “That’s how far behind I am”
Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How fucking cool is that for someone her age.
Today, I got pulled over by a female cop.
I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong.
She said "NOTHING!"
Bill Gates is pulled over by a police officer one night after his car is seen swerving on the highway
The police officer asks, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"
Bill says, "Absolutely not, officer."
The cop says, "Can you please count backwards from 10 for me?"
•
Bill replies, "10, 8, 7, Vista, XP, ME, 2000, NT, 98, 95, 3, 2, 1."
My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
Just helped a cop sweep up some broken glass.
That was my first brush with the law.
Heisenberg is pulled over by the cops
The cop asks “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies “No, but I know where I am.”
"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?"
"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"
Successfully ran away from the cops today, after I stole a candy bar
They tried their best, but I had too many Twix up my sleeve.
Why was the dyslexic kid kicked out of the movie theater?
He kept asking where to buy cop porn.
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are out for a drive when they are stopped by the police.
"Do you know how fast you were going?" demands the cop. "No," replies Heisenberg, "but I knew where I was."
The cop sniffs, then opens the trunk and says "And do you know there is a dead cat in here?". "Well, I do *now*!" Schrodinger scowls.
Uvalde citizen gets pulled over
A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."
The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have balls."
How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None, he fell.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
A police officer spots an elderly woman carrying two large sacks, one leaking $20 bills. He asks her, "Where did you get all that money?" She explains, "There's a golf course behind my house. When golfers pee through a hole in my fence, I threaten to cut it off unless they pay $20."
The cop asks about the other sack. She replies, "Not everyone pays."
A cop pulls over a car with two priests.
The cop makes his way up to the window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”
The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.
“We’ll do it.”
I called “Shotgun” long before anyone else did, but I had to still sit in the back seat.
I hate cops.
How can you tell good cops from bad cops?
Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...
The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.
The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
Officer 1: This murder seems racially motivated.
Officer 2: Hate crime?
Officer 1: Of course I hate crime, idiot. That’s why I became a cop.