Programmer

A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...

He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"

I just made money for the first time as a programmer

I sold my laptop

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

I finally figured out where that "programmers live in basements" myth comes from!

It's because they prefer to work in a non-Windows environment.

Did you hear about the half-assed programmer?

Apparently he had a missing semi-colon.

If you're a programmer, you would know:

// the real joke is always in the comments

Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving

A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scrapes the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.