When a woman buys a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun
But when a guy orders a 240 volt fuckmaster pro 5000 latex doll with high speed pulsating pussy, elasticised anus with non drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm sound system, he gets called a pervert.
I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, “Dad I’m scared, is that woman going to die?”.
I said, “Judging on the size of that horses cock, yes”.
Wonder Woman
Superman and Flash are on the roof of a tall building, and they see Wonder Woman, naked, with her legs wide open, on the roof of the building next door.
Flash says to Superman, "I bet I could run over to her, have sex with her, and run off before she notices me." Superman agrees, and Flash runs over, has rough and fast sex with her, and runs off.
Wonder Woman feels a breeze and goes, "What the hell was that?" and the Invisible Man goes, "I don't know, but damn does my ass hurt."
A woman goes to the doctor. “Please help. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.”
The doctor says “are you taking anything for it?”
The woman says “Yes. Pepper.”
Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement...
...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".
I hope Death is a woman
That way it will never come for me
What does someone walking a tightrope have in common with a guy getting a blowjob from a 90 year old woman?
Both guys are thinking “Don’t look down, just don’t look down”.
Whats the hardest thing about having sex with a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice *juuust* right
A man asks a woman how to spell “yacht”
Woman: “Y-A-H-T”
Man: “where’s the C”
Woman: “under the fucking yacht”
A plane is about to crash
A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."
If a woman drinks 2 glasses of wine a day, it increases the chances of a stroke.
If you let her finish the bottle, she'll probably suck it as well.
A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm
The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."
The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."
To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."
A half indian-half Irish man married a half chinese-half Italian woman
After much deliberation,they named their son
Ravi O'Lee
Milk Order
A milkman gets an order for 40 gallons of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake.
When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 40 gallons. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman.
"Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?"
"No," says the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."
The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth
After childbirth 34% of women said “Yes” they would like to have another child.
After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said “Yes” they’d like to do that again.
An old woman wants to commit suicide...
...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.
She goes to the local doctor and asks;
"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"
"Oh, it's just below your left breast."
So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she's seeing someone. It's either really terrible news or really great news.