Account jokes

Husband and wife

A husband and wife were setting a password for their joint twitter account.

The husband types 'My Penis'

The wife dies laughing on the floor when it says 'Not long enough'

I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned

For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok

The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You have a deal!"

The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.

What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man?

An Instagram account.

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account...

He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him.

My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it’s doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her

My father told me, "Work until your bank account look like a phone number."...

My available balance is $9.11.

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir/Madam,

We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.

At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "

His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."