Jokes

What is the difference between Germany and the bermuda triangle?

The bermuda triangle has three points.

A man is standing on a tall ledge.

A physicist yells from the street, "Don't jump! You have too much potential!"

The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."

But alas John came fifth, so he won the toaster.

If online bullying has taught us anything.....

It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight!!

Einstein said that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound.

However it is possible that you may hear the sound of BMW's horn before the light turns green.

All countries eventually got coronavirus

But China got it right off the bat.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

"I'll do ANYTHING for an "A" in this class!"

"ANYTHING?!?" the professor asked.

"Yes," she said, "ANYTHING!"

"Will you . . . . study?"

Two gay men are walking down the street. One of them is wearing a very flashy shirt.

A woman approaches and says, "oh my gosh, I love your top!"

The man replies, "thank you! I love him too!"

Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill?

To steep.

If you had $1 for every time you've masturbated

What color would your Bugatti be?

What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?

Ukrainians defend their Capitol.

A rope walks into a bar

And sees someone sitting at the bar reposting this joke. The rope hangs the reposter.

What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?

I used to think you were crazy, but now I see your nuts.

I want to hire a Mexican, An Italian and a Russian

To show up at my funeral in black suits and say "thank you boss", then leave. Just so that my Family and Friends would think I had something Big going on.

Why don't bees go to church?

... because they are in sects

Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say "GET DOWN!" when the President is getting attacked?

Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"

A father and son go fishing...

Son: Dad, what do we do first?

Father: We get this clickbait here and we throw it into the ocean.

Son: Then what happens?

Father: What happens next will shock you.

I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat cunt sitting there holding his cock.

Then I realised the TV wasn't on.