Country

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

A country boy gets accepted into Harvard.

He can’t find the library, so he finds another student on campus.

“Excuse me, do you know where the library is at?”

The student looks at the country boy disapprovingly and says,

“My good sir, here at Harvard we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.”

The country boy replies,

“My apologies. Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I’d like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

George W. Bush couldn't decide what country to invade next...

He says, "It seems we're stuck between Iraq and a hard place.."

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did you get?"

All countries eventually got coronavirus

But China got it right off the bat.

Why is Ireland the wealthiest country in the world?

because its capital is always dublin.

When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May...

...and it is a Country.

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

An Englishman is sitting on a train when he overhears a loud conversation between two Italians...

First, Emma cum, then I cum... then two asses, they come together, then I cum again. Then the two asses, they come together again, then I cum... pee twice, then I cum again!

“Excuse me” says the Englishman. “In this country it’s very inappropriate to be talking about sex in public like that!”

The Italian guy is confused “what sex? I’m telling my friend how to spell a Mississippi!”

When my wife suggested getting a white noise machine for the bedroom, I was initially ok with it.

Then I realized I hate country music.

Due to the rise of autonomous vehicles

It's only a matter of time until a country singer makes a song about his truck leaving them.

Why am I against Donald Trump's wall idea?

It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.

One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"

A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.

The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"

"Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they’re in for. The first one says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.'

The second says: 'For me it was just the opposite: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.'

The third one says: 'I got to work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economy by acquiring a watch in a capitalist country.'"

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." -

The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a “third world country” if they gain independence.

I don’t know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.

What is Mexico's national sport?

Cross Country

Two countries go to war...

Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.

As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.

It's ridiculous and unfair. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.

A piece of tarmac was arguing with a stone in a bar...

"I'm the hardest!." says the tarmac, "All the roads in the country are made from me bitch!." "I'm the hardest" says the stone, "Every mountain in the world is made from me!" 2 minutes later, a piece of a bicycle lane strolls in, orders a whiskey and silently sits down in the corner. A hush falls over the bar. Sensing some hostility, the barman tries to keep the peace. "Hey guys, whose the hardest?" "We're hard, but that guy's a cycle path."

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"