The pilot gets ready for the flight
"Alright everyone, we will be taking off in a minute, please remain seated.", he says. After taking off, the pilot forgot the microphone on. "Know what I want now?", says the co-pilot, "a cup of coffee and a woman to suck my dick". Noticing the problem with the mic, one of the attendants bolts off to warn them. While she ran, someone on the back seats yells "Don't forget the coffee!"
A little Muslim kid can't find his mother
A little Muslim kid, crying, can't find his mother in a supermarket.
The store attendant asks, "What does your mother look like?"
The kid says.. "I have no fucking idea."
My hot flight attendant asked how I liked my coffee.
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "that's cute honey, but the coffee is free. You don't have to pay for it here"
A lady went into a sex shop and asked the attendant: "My good man, do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes," was the reply. "Come this way," he gestured, moving his finger.
"If I could come that way I wouldn't need the damn vibrator!"
A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane.
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Trump actually attended Biden's inauguration
He was the crying baby you heard right before Biden took his oath
I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police
All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time..
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, sure. I would love to here it. " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.