Hair

Was playing with my balls and then I found my first gray pubic hair, but I kept calm!

Unlike the rest in the elevator..

I want to make a trivia show for rednecks where wrong answers cost them their hair.

I'll call it "Mullet Over."

What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common.

They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one).

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body. Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight. I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

I understand now why women have long hair

If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.

One day a girl realised she was growing hair between her legs

She asked her mom what it was and her mom replied back 'the part where the hair is growing is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey is growing hair'

During dinner she told her sister that her monkey had grown hair and the sister replied 'that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas'

Will Smith had to stand up for Jada. Imagine how hard it is knowing your wife can't have her hair

pulled during sex with other men

I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap

He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet.

“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.

“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

NSFW: My wife said she wanted to have sex like they do in the movies...

So I pushed her against the wall, grabbed her hair from behind and drilled her up the shitter. Turns out we watch different movies.

What do you call a blond that dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it

I found my first grey pubic hair today.

However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny chick with big blue hair."

Wife: Now that we've been married 20 years, how old do you think I look, honestly?

Husband: From your skin I'd say 28, from your hair 25, from your figure 29.

Wife: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.

Husband: Hang on, I haven't finished adding it up yet.

What's the difference between parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing. You push them both aside and keep on eating.

Student walks into professor's office

She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"

The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"

"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.

"Anything?"

"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.

"Would you....study?"

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach!

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

Women blink twice as much as men.

We use 300 muscle's just to keep our balance when we stand.

The woman has read this entire text.

The man is still looking at his thumb.

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

Where is my wife

A young man and an old man bumped shopping carts at the grocery store. Young man: I am sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. I was looking for my wife. Old man : Sorry. I was also looking for my wife. Young man: Well maybe we can look together. My wife is 24. She is 5'2". She has short black hair. She is wearing a pink tube top and blue Jeans. What does your wife look like? Old man: It doesn't matter. Lets look for yours.