A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question
"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
Quick question...
How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
Is my wife a pervert?
So I was standing looking out my bedroom window whipping one off to my neighbors gorgeous wife who was sunbathing, when I turned around to see my wife standing there looking at me! So my question is do yous think she’s some sort of pervert?
two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought”.
The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality...... “In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”
“Mommy, why is Grandpa running in zigzags?”
“Don’t question it, child. Just reload.”
My daughter has started asking me questions about the human body
I thought I locked the basement I don't know how she keeps getting down there
Good Kid!
A father had a rather dim-witted son. One day, the son came home from school. His father asked him, "How was school, son?" His son replied, "Great dad! My teacher asked a question, and only I could answer!" His father was overjoyed. He probed, "Good kid! What was the question?"
His son replied, "She asked, 'Who farted?' "
I recently decided to apply for Australian citizenship, and I was surprised at some of the questions they asked.
Like, they asked if I had ever been convicted of a crime. I had no idea that was still a requirement.
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital sex...
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse, you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex
Just this morning she asked me "Is that the best you can do?"
The Deadliest Job in WW2
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
Naming the new royal baby
Rumours were that Harry and Meghan we going to name the child “Seatbelt”
When questioned about this, Prince Harry responded with “Its what my mum would have wanted”
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licks his cone and replies:
"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window. The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?" The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
Suicide is never the answer. Suicide is the question. The answer is yes.
I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.
I absolutely hate when they ask “Where did you get it?” “Why is it in a bucket?”
I call my penis Tom Cruise.
It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.
Personal Question
On Valentine's Day a shy but drunk young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar and said "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Yes, I do," she replied, "but go ahead since I'm sure you're going to ask anyway." "Okay," he said. "How many men have you slept with?" "That's my business!" she snapped. "Oh cool!" he said. "How much?"
where do babies come from
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
WAR BOARDER
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was. " They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.
"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.
The Telemarketer
A telemarketer is making calls when a gentleman answers. "Good evening sir, how are you? I am calling today to--" when the man who answers interrupts him. He said, "Hold on now, first *I* have some questions for *you*." Amused, the telemarketer allows him to ask the questions. The man asks "What has a 2 inch penis, and hangs down?" The telemarketer replies "I give up, what?" The man says, "A monkey!... now what has a 9 inch penis, and hangs up?" The telemarketer says, "I don't know.."
--CLICK--
ME: When's the right time to ask a girl for anal?
INTERVIEWER: I meant; do you have any questions about the job.
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".