4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train
They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What type of clothing does Trump have a secret collection of?
Russian ties.
When a woman buys a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun
But when a guy orders a 240 volt fuckmaster pro 5000 latex doll with high speed pulsating pussy, elasticised anus with non drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm sound system, he gets called a pervert.
In the Soviet Union there was a 10 year wait list
On cars. You had to collect the money and register 10 years in advance. A guy goes to register, makes the payment and the sales person asks him to get back after 10 years for the car. The guy asks "morning or afternoon?"
The sales person asks how does it matter -you're already waiting 10 years. The guy replies "because the plumber is visiting in the morning".
Old Soviet insider joke. Pardon any English mistakes.
A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are.
Please keep your photo and return the others.”
I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.
Well, it was just collecting dust.
What did Mike Tyson say when I showed him my mold collection?
Growth.
Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.
The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.
Trump shouts “Oh my GOD!” and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.
After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, “How many is a ‘brazillion?’”
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers
The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
Rick Astley will lend you any movie in his Pixar collection, except one.
He's never gonna give you Up.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
Judge: “First offender?”
Lady: “No first a Gibson, then a Fender.”
