Ear jokes

As a boy, I was made to believe that earwigs lived in ears

Henceforth, I was terrified of cockroaches

My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh.

When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.

What is the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating?

Your ears

The Rodeo...

So two cowboys are talking about sex and the various positions when one of them mentions "the Rodeo."

So the second cowboy says to him, "I didn't know the Rodeo was a sex position. How do you do that one?"

The first cowboy explains. "So what you do is you penetrate your girl from behind. Then you reach around and grab her boobs, lean over, and whisper in her ear, 'These are almost as big as your sister's.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3.

His left ear.

His right ear.

And the final frontier.

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?

A buccaneer :D

I'm getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear...

The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."

What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?

Anything you want. He can't hear you!

"I hate going to weddings because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

I apologised to my girlfriend during sex for slipping it in the wrong hole

But of course she couldn't hear me with my dick in her ear.

A magician is having sex with a woman and he cums inside her.

The woman gets angry over this and yells at him "why the fuck would you cum inside me!!?"

Magician says "psyche! Check your ear!"

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

I told my son to stop playing russian roulette

But you know how it is with these kids; In one ear, out the other.

Oh hey, Larry's sporting bling in his ears

Joe: When did you start wearing earrings?

Larry: Since the day my wife found them in my car.

It’s confirmed . Fresh cow dung can stop corona

Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out.

This will make sure that

a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth.

b) nobody will shake hands with you.

c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets.

d) You will wash your hands thoroughly before you eat.

Erect your ears for this one

A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills

Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.

Approaching him, one Cowboy says “Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?”

The Indian says “Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around ten miles per hour”.

“Wow!” Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. “You can tell all that by listening to the ground?”

“Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago”.