Fence jokes

I need to Re-Home a small Dog.

It's a very small Terrier that tends to bark a lot. If you are interested.

Let me know and I will jump over my neighbors garden fence and get the fucker for you...........

A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"

Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"

A little girl was in class talking to her teacher.

"I had a kitty who stuttered." Said the little girl. "I was in the back yard with it when a Rottweiler that lives next door jumped over the fence into our yard!"

“That must've been scary!” said the teacher.

“It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty raised his back and went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "fuck," the Rottweiler ate him!"

Mad cow disease

Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.

The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."

The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?

They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.

How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

A police officer spots an elderly woman carrying two large sacks, one leaking $20 bills. He asks her, "Where did you get all that money?" She explains, "There's a golf course behind my house. When golfers pee through a hole in my fence, I threaten to cut it off unless they pay $20."

The cop asks about the other sack. She replies, "Not everyone pays."

A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed

...just because I re-posted it.

A Scotsman and a Newfie were walking down the road when they saw a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.

"A'right! The perfect opportunity!" cried the Scotsman, who lifted his kilt and leapt on the backside of the sheep, shagging it furiously until he was satisfied.

Smiling, the Scotsman smoothed out his kilt and turned to the Newfie. "Go on," he said, "It's your turn."

"Okay!" said the Newfie, and stuck his head in the fence.

I was driving past a prison the other day...

Looking out my window, I glanced up and saw a dwarf scaling down a very tall fence. It was obvious he was breaking out of the prison. I looked up at him and he looked down at me with an angry stare like “wtf the fuck are you looking at?”

I drove away and thought to myself that was a little condescending.

A man is walking past the mental hospital

through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.

What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?

Udder disaster.

Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left?

Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun.

Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married?

Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.”

Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.