Game jokes

What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft

A nights work...

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar.

She says, "Hey, tonight is your lucky night. I’ve got a very special game for us to play. Tonight I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words."

The guy replies, "Hey, why not?, you're on" So he proceeds to put £300 on the bar from his wallet, and says to the sex worker slowly. "Paint...my....house."

My first time having sex was a lot like my first high-school football game.

I was bruised and bloody in the end but at least my dad came.

I like my women like I like my golf game.

Mid 80's with a slight handicap

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

My friends and I used to love a good game of Russian Roulette.

Unfortunately, they're a bunch of sore losers and won't play it with me anymore.

A wife asks her husband to sweep the house.

After 5 minutes she walks in on him playing video games, "I thought I asked you to sweep the house"

"It's clean", he replies, "I didn't find any hostiles"

People are complaining that games are too short but

New Battlefront has 4500 hours of gameplay and people are still complaining!

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

I have now stolen 56 copies of the board game "Risk" from local retailers.

When they eventually catch me, I'll say "Life is all about taking Risks."

A joke my grandmother, of all people, told me when I was a kid.

I don't know how many of y'all have heard this joke, but here it goes. Two guys were at a University of Georgia football game when one of them looks down at the Georgia Bulldog sidelines and sees Uga, the school mascot, licking himself like dogs like to do. The guy smiles, leans over to his buddy while pointing at Uga and says, "Man, I wish I could do that". His friend looks back at him in surprise and says, "Man, that dog would bite you!"

Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"

He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

STDs are a lot like Pokemon...

It's hard to catch them all, but once you do, the game is pretty much over.

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

Do you know which politician has the worst pull out game?

Vladimir Putin.

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licks his cone and replies:

"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

What game does an emo hate the most? Cut the Rope.

What was the Neo Nazi's favorite computer game?

Mein Kraft