Grandfather jokes

I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

My grandfather was a baker in the army...

...he went in all buns glazing.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

My grandfather started walking 5 miles a day when he was 60

Now he's 97 and we have no idea where the hell he is

My grandfather did 5 years in Vietnam.

Turns out armed robbery is illegal there too.

How ungrateful people are

My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!

My grandfather died at auschwitz

He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.

The lawyer just told us that all of our late grandfather’s assets are Frozen.

No idea why he bought so many DVDs of the movie.