I jokes

A recent study shows that 9/10 men prefer women with big boobs.

I think the 10th one prefers the other 9.

I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year...

Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

Have you seen the clown at Walmart that hides from gay people?

Of course you haven't.

What did the Dried Fish say to the other Dried Fish?

Long time no Sea.

Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

A Covid test nurse asked me if I’ve had a sudden loss of taste.

I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

An absolute 10, but also imaginary.

My wife didn’t understand why the Umbrella salesman was being so vague.

I had to remind her it’s a shady business.

Nothing better than shutting the door and jerking off after a long day

And it's even better if the uber has heated seats

I'm not passive aggressive.

Unlike *some* people.

My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.

I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.

A man, crying in pain, complains to the dentist “It feels like my left jaw is possessed by the devil!”

“Oh! Then eat right and exorcise”

I’m done being a people pleaser

If everyone’s ok with that

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

A douchebag slides up to a girl at a bar and says, “I’d really like to get into your pants”

She says, “No thanks, I’ve already got one asshole in there, I don’t need another.”

I got fired on the first day of my new job at the hospital

Apparently telling all the COVID patients to stay positive is not a good thing.

Neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3AM

My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3am. Can you believe it!? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

"Anybody here named Jeff?"

Jeff: "Yes"

Geoff: "Yeos"

A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff.

BAA-DUMM-TSSS