A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"
Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"
A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of the road
They hold up a sign that reads, "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!" A passing driver yells, "You guys are crazy!" and shakes his head in disbelief as he speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires, and then a big splash. The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should put up a sign that says 'Bridge out of order' instead?"
First visit to America as German guy!
I was pissing on the side of the road when suddenly an American girl walks by. She saw my penis and shouted "GROSS!"
I shouted back "DANKE!"
Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called ‘Sound of Wasps’.
When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side.
A young adult named Bob enters a confessional
Bob: “Forgive me father, for I have sined.”
Priest: “It’s pronounced ‘sinned’, but that’s unimportant, what have you done?”
Bob: “I divided the opposite side by the Hypotenuse on a right triangle”
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side
A man picks up a hitchhiking priest on the highway
Soon after he sees a hitchhiking lawyer on the side of the road. He aims his car towards the lawyer with the intent to run him over, but remembers he has a priest in the car with him and swerves at the last second. He feigns innocence and says to the priest "Oh my God! That was close! I almost ran over that lawyer!", to which the priest replies "That's okay son. I got him with my door."
My favourite joke ever
So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger". The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?" "Its dead", the midwife says.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it's intersected by a plane
Safe Driving
Officer: Why did you deliberately run into that crowd of people?!
Man: Well, my brakes failed. There was a crowd on one side of the road, and a single man on the other.
Officer: SO WHY DID YOU HIT THE CROWD!?!
Man: Naturally, I swerved left to avoid the crowd, and hit that single man! But then ... that SELFISH bastard ran across the road towards the crowd!
A political joke for both sides:
Joe Biden has forgotten more about governing than Trump ever learned.
Topless carwash
So these kids in school are trying to find new ways to raise money. They suggest a few ideas, all of which are shot down by their teacher. Finally a kid says ‘I get it! We should do a topless carwash!’
Very carefully, the teacher asks: ‘what do you mean?’
The kid says, ‘well, we can’t reach the roofs of the cars, so we will just do the sides and the front and back’
Teacher: "Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up." Class: no one stands up Teacher: "Oh, come on. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room." Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: "Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb?" Little Johnny: "No, I just feel bad you're standing alone."
I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...
On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
You're riding a horse full speed, a man on a giraffe at your side, and a ferocious lion in hot pursuit. What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
Blind man goes for surgery
A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.
"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection."
"Is that a common side effect from the surgery," the blind man asks.
"No," says the doctor. "It's just that your wife is ugly."
A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to sleep...
...sudendly the man farts and tries to think of an excuse.
-1:0 I am winning, - says the man. Few moments later the woman lets out a big fart.
-1:1 draw, - says the woman with a smile on her face.
Man does not want to lose so he tries and tries to fart very hard. Sudendly he farts and craps all over his bed side.
-Half time break, change of sides, - says the man calmly.
A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.
The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.
The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.
The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper this side either."
where do babies come from
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."