“Poor Old fool,”...
...thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
I don't understand why people spoil movies...
What's their endgame?
What do lesbians and politicians have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit
Why do they call it the Dark Ages?
Because of all the Knights
"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"
"that is a cheap stereotype"
So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...
when do I get my adult supervision?
I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes.
Can't stand movies with that much gore.
What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ?
A dollar.
Told a girl she looks better without her glasses on.
She said I also look better without her glasses on.
A kid is selling lemonade...
The boy’s sign reads “1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade. "25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢... Maybe lemonade stands aren’t your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.
A father and his son went outside for a walk.
The son steps on a butterfly. The father jokes : “Your going to have to eat some butter now!”
When they return back to their home, they find the kid’s mother cooking in the kitchen. She accidentally steps on a cockroach. The son says to the father : “I’ll leave you guys to it then.”
In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....
I should mind my own bismuth.
What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
About one U.S Leader.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts??
Beer nuts are $1.25 and deer nuts are under a buck.
My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it’s doing really well
I just have to figure out how to break the news to her
What does Titanic and the iPhone X have in common?
Jack is dead.
My son is a male trapped in a female's body, so we took him to a psychiatrist.
For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
A widow.
I asked a Chinese Girl for her number...
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
I Got my girlfriend a “get better soon” card.
She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.