Birth jokes

Why did Chuck Norris’ aunt give birth to him?

Because nobody dared fuck his mother

A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby

...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.

My favourite joke ever

So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger". The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?" "Its dead", the midwife says.

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

A woman gives birth to her first child and is laying in bed waiting for some test results to come back.

Eventually after a lengthy wait the doctor arrives and says:

“Ma’am, I have good news and bad news, which would you like first?”

Startled, she exclaims to get the bad news out of the way first.

“Well ma’am, the bad news is that your child is a ginger.”

Relieved that this isn’t as bad as she feared, the woman asks for the good news to which the doctor replied:

“It’s dead.”

My wife just gave birth to our son on an aeroplane!

He was airborne

My wife gave birth this morning I said to the doctor How long will it be before we can have sex?

He winked at me and said "Meet me in the car park in twenty minutes......"

Who is the greatest?

A BOOB, a VAGINA and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all

BOOB: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest

VAGINA: that's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest

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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to speak!

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber, and I'm not gonna die the same way.

Blind man goes for surgery

A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.

"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection."

"Is that a common side effect from the surgery," the blind man asks.

"No," says the doctor. "It's just that your wife is ugly."

What does a microorganism say when they give birth to their sister?

OW! My toe sis.

Success is like giving birth...

everyone congratulates you in the end but nobody knows how many times you got fucked in order to get there.

Did you know that during child birth there is a point where the lady experiences such excruciating pain that for a moment

She almost knows how bad it is to be a man who has the flu

Giving birth is terrible for a cow's hips...

...but it's great for their calves.

Pain.

Two young boys are waiting for their surgery...

“What operation are you having done?”

“Getting my tonsils out, what about you?”

“Circumcision”

“Oh that’s bad, I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year”