Change jokes

To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?

....Gatherer

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

The Supreme Court has changed dramatically since Justice Ginsberg died.

It has become Ruth less.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't. They're too busy arresting the light bulb for being broke and beating the room for being black.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...

like my name, phone number, address, etc.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant...

but then I changed my mind.

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You have a deal!"

The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.

Why did Trump push for Congress to change the national bird after seeing one get sick in a zoo?

He hates ill eagles.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

How many 'Nam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!

You racist!

An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars at the currency exchange was getting irritated at the teller.

She asked the teller, “Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty. Why it change?”

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations”.

The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people, too!”

This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"

The banker says, "Fluctuations." The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

Why does the population of Detroit never change?

Because as soon as a baby is born, some guy leaves town.

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:

Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

I stopped showering or changing my clothes, as a precaution against COVID-19.

If anybody gets within six feet of me, I know they must have lost their sense of smell.

How do you get Trump to change a light bulb?

Tell him Obama put it in.

Thinking of changing my name to “Authorized Personnel”

Imagine the places I could go with a name like that.