Me jokes

Rorschach

Who is this Rorschach guy and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

I farted in my church’s confession booth

I said to the priest, “Forgive me father, for I have wind.”

Why did the blind man fall into a well?

Because he couldn’t see that well...

Why can't kids watch the orchestra?

To much sax and violins

One day a horse asked God “Hey God can you make my **ck even longer?”

And thus the giraffe was born.

I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage

But I think this sub's doing even better!

What’s the difference between a baby and a feminist?

At some point in it’s life, a baby will grow up and stop crying.

For her birthday I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

It's the little things that count.

Why do cellular biologists always disagree with mathematicians?

Because to them dividing and multiplying are the same

My son made it through a blood transfusion, so I bought him a 50′′ HDTV...

He loves his new plasma...

What did Zelda suggest to Link when diplomacy didn't work?

Try-force

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

My doctor tried treating me with ygolohcysp

But reverse psychology doesn't work on me

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

Why are students prohibited from playing Fortnite during school?

It would be really hard to tell where the gunshots are coming from

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks

I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts.....

The plot was riveting!

What do you call a black guy having a heart attack?

An ambulance.

Did you hear that in the next fast and the furious movie they’re getting rid of those long fin things on the back of the cars

Ah sorry, spoilers