In honor of my dad, who passed away on Wednesday...here is his favorite joke.
Man finds the magic mirror (from Snow White) and gets excited to have his wish come true. So he chants: Magic Mirror on the Wall, make my penis touch the floor!
poof
His penis touches the floor.
His legs are also shorter. Way. Shorter.
A beer bottle, a mirror and a condom go to the pub.
The beer bottle thinks for a moment and says, “You know, if you break me, you get a years bad luck.” The mirror looks incredulous at this comment and says, “That’s nothing, if you break me you get 7 years bad luck.” The condom starts to laugh so hard he falls on the floor.
Are you Blonde?
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A man comes home from work to find his wife of 30 years standing in front of a mirror naked. He asks, "honey, why are you standing there looking at yourself naked?"
She responds, "I went to the doctor today and he told me I have the breasts of a 35 year old"
Her husband responds, "hmmm...did he say anything about your 60 year old ass?"
She answered, "No actually we didn't talk about you at all"
Man looked his naked body in the mirror says to wife-look 75 kg of pure dynamite
Wife says: but shame on the 5 cm fuse
I removed the rear view mirror from my car.
I haven't looked back since.
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors?
To see the battle.
I'm rather ashamed to say I haven't cleaned my mirror in years.
It reflects badly on me.
A woman purchases an antique mirror...
in front of the mirror she playfully says " mirror mirror on the door, make my bust-line fourty four " and her breasts grew to enourmous proportions. She quickly ran to grab her husband and he decided to try it " mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" and his legs fell off
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde
The police officer asks the blonde, "Can I see you license and registration, please?". The blonde then asked, "What is that?", the police officer says, "That thing with your face on it", the blonde then pulls a mirror out of her purse, and hands it to the police officer. The police officer then says, "Oh, my bad, if I knew you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."
Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror?
That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!
If Jesus was on a penny they would call it a JC Penny
I get sad every time I look in a mirror
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."