Other jokes

If A is for apple, B is for banana, what is C for?

Plastic explosives

What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?

The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.

They might deny pouring glue on my weapons...

But I'm sticking to my guns.

A lady is standing on the top a ledge over a canyon

She’s about to jump when a homeless guy runs over and says ..

“I know what you’re about to do !”

“How would you like to have sex one last time before you go?”

The lady says, “Typical! You’re just like every other guy...

trying to talk me into having sex instead of jumping off this ledge!”

The guy gets fed up and walks away..

“Where you going ?” asks the lady?

“I’m just gonna go wait for you at the bottom...”

Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?

osMoses

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize

He was outstanding in his field

TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide.

At least we're in the top 10.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." SMACK! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie SMAACK! She slapped Suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, 'cause I'm still here.

I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 911 documentary.

Mama Mia’s pizzeria and abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

There is an upside to being an orphan... every bag of chips is family size.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Profits are going through the roof.

Covid-19 stopped mass shootings faster than the government.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

My mom asks me to stop making jokes about suicide. I answer: "Don’t worry...I'll stop soon."

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!" In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.